11:18pm 04/11/2011
  It is really hard for me to control my temper, especially when I'm not in a good mood and the person is talking about stupid shit.

New guy brought up something trivial and I snapped on him like Nic has snapped on me in the past, using similar words. Because that conversation ran through my mind.

I don't know, I like this guy sometimes, but we have been trying to hang out for the past three days and it isn't working and we are attempting and failing at adjusting our schedules to each other.  I'm about to say fuck it.  But he's just like- we will hang out soon, ok?
Me (on the inside):  Whatever, I'm sick of shit. I'm not online enough, but you're just not on when I'm on? Sooo whateva
Me (what I actually said): ok.

I don't know if fixing things with Nic is playing into this. I don't know if I am just incapable of being nice to people. I don't know if there is something wrong with me where I have to try to self destruct all of my relationships.

I think I am just incapable of being nice to people. I hate everyone today.
I should just go to bed.


EDIT: Just realized I might be PMSing ._. well fuck. I guess I do have mood swings		  
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12:19am 02/11/2011
  "I didn't get any candy for Halloween" 
"You don't like sweet things"
"yes... you know that"
"of course"
"I tell other people that several times, i dont like sweet food, and they dont remember it. thanks"

... I know we just got through a huge fight, but I still love you, so no shit I know what food you like.		  
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06:12pm 09/10/2011
  I feel so useless and powerless at the moment

Also with mixed feelings?
This is about my sister morgan.

  
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11:54pm 04/10/2011
   
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11:53pm 02/10/2011
  I feel really distant from people these days.  I've become terrible at conversation.

A quick update, I have been dating this guy, he is pretty cool. I've told Mariah about him.

 I talked to him most of the summer and we actually had things to talk about, but now I can not find anything to talk about.  Even with Nancy I just talk about things going on, and I feel like I just have nothing to bring to conversation ._.  just like oh this is funny and it happened.  Or about dudes, which I kind of feel bad since she is like- WHY DO YOU MEET COOL PEOPLE AND I MEET SHITTY PEOPLE?!		  
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12:03am 26/07/2011
  Oh my lord. So unfair. 

So here's the thing,  I met this amazing guy.  Really, he is kind of prefect for me. 
He is an adorable Vietnamese boy, that drives a motorcycle, has tattoos, is nerdy, hilarious (we had a punny conversation<3), he can cook!,and I can't even remember right now, but he likes white girls and there are very few asian guys that do.  One of his tattoos is a Final Fantasy thing, a quote from history, and a quote from a sci-fi book.

So I talked to him so much from last wednesday to saturday where we got into a play fight. 
He asked if I had a 360 or PS3. I said 360. And he was like- I'm sorry I don't think we can talk anymore.  Me- Good you freak.

I haven't talked to him since ._.  I was being stubborn and not messaging him first since he started it, but I did tonight.  Telling him good luck with his film project. He is entering the 48 hour film competition.  And I have not gotten a response, Nancy is telling me I'm crazy and to just wait.  He is a really busy person and not really looking for a relationship. Which I am fine with, he's a really funny guy though and I just want to talk to him again.  If he is taking this shit seriously?!  I'm just what the fucking in my own little world...

This is so stupid! Really?!  I feel like one of those guys that can't get the hint to leave some one alone...
I just want an answer...		  
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03:21am 17/06/2011
  I went to the midnight showing of green lantern, and the chick  nancy and i went with just wanted to drool over whatshisface. 
Not that I was having a bad day I was just being grumpy, and I think nancy figured that out in the car.  Probably because I wasn't talking much, but I blamed it on being tired.

But she bought me a squishy fish out of the vending machine and was like "here I thought you would like this"  Then I remembered why I love my best friend, even though I tried to give her the fish and she lost it under her seat then I was trying to show her where it was, but she couldn't see it so I was making more racist remarks and she punched me because talking about her being asian is a hate crime. So I yelled I'm mexican and punching me is more of a hate crime.

She and I also have matching tattoos now. They are mustaches, and they are pretty awesome.		  
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11:18pm 09/05/2011
  When I grow up I'm going to be a home wrecker >.<

Shouldn't be flirting with him, but he started it.  It's all joking anyways.  Most likely.		  
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03:30pm 17/04/2011
  "No body is free. Everyone is tied to something, someone, an idea, or even their own conscious." -Parrish, movie I'm watching.
I think this is why I am never a girlfriend. I am always just a friend, not be tied down.

"i wouldn't keep you because you are too free, you couldn't survive" -something said to me awhile ago

This is arising again.		  
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04:33pm 12/04/2011
  For some reason I've been hating my job today, but I'm hoping it will pass. 30 more minutes and I can go home. To answer, more than likely awkward, questions about Nic and China from my family =\ yay.

Sheila saw the pictures, but didn't get to ask as many questions as she wanted to? And my mom didn't want to ask me questions in front of the rest of the family Soo we are doing it tonight. Sad thing is she thinks I'm secretive to everyone, but her when really its the opposite. Like my brother does not approve of what I do, but he can keep his mouth shut.

Edit: Mom was sick so it wasn't too bad. But she is like deathly ill with maybe allergies. (I looked up how to transfer malaria, because I am a hypochondriac and was scared I had it/ could give it to someone. But its ok I haven't done any blood transfusions with her recently)		  
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04:49am 05/04/2011
 
( Insomnia )
  
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10:14pm 23/02/2011
  I got my trip information today. They expect me to wear a name tag and cotton pants. Yeah no. I'm not going to look like a dumb ass.  
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10:17pm 08/02/2011
  Bitches be turning me down/ ignoring me.

I do not enjoy this D:		  
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03:52pm 22/01/2011
  It's hard to motivate myself to rearrange my room. (who's color I now hate) but it might all turn out for the best. My parents are putting the house up for sale in march. And in the next few days I'm sending in for my Chinese visa.  
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dream   
06:34am 20/11/2010
  My brain has an amazing ability to creep me out.
So I was watching Bridge to Terabithia, a book I liked when I was younger but pissed at the new version for keeper her alive (still have not seen it) so I'm watching this movie and the dude was on a fork lift in the river and then this flying machine comes down and stops the current. And I'm going- this is the stupidest thing. She should die. Then I see the guy on the flying machine, its like a metal boat with wings and a wood barrier. And he's a fucking rapist pedophile from the show I watched earlier tonight. So the me watching this movie starts freaking out and all the sudden I'm fucking in the movie. Get the fork lift to her. We crawl up the other side to a zip line. And in the scary little girls voice she goes 'off to strangers house' which is at the bottom. Then we see him which is like faceless and blue eyes. Not like color. Like entirely. And glowing.

This is why I don't allow myself to watch scary shit. My mind goes- how could we make this worse...
I mean it doesn't sound awful but her voice is ringing through my head...

6am sucks.		  
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Amusing dude is amusing.   
12:48am 14/11/2010
  "I'm sorry if I am boring you, but minecraft is my life now"

"Come and beat this for me!"   <about mario world XD


He also said he'd go to rammstein with me, but i don kno.
Just something to fill my time.
Decided to apply to different schools now, Ryans aunt can get me into UNI in the spring so i can use their exchange program but they are too close. ASU and CSLA sound waay better. 
Miss my nancy D=		  
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Rammstein   
09:34pm 30/09/2010
  Is coming to America for the first time in 10 years and I want to explode.

I want to see them so bad, but they are only going to be in New York for one night.  Basically testing America. Fuck >.<
DON'T PICK A PLACE IN THE MIDDLE OR ANYTHING. Bastards

Seriously, dying slowly trying to figure out if I want to go or not.  Like obviously I really, really do. 
But I am already planning a trip to China and seeing Nancy, on the other side of the fucking country.
Tickets to the show are not bad. $45-75 getting out there is about $280 -.-
Not to mention expenses.  Like getting to Madison Square Garden.

Tickets go on sale October 11th, and the show is December 11th. So I need to decide real quick. I am planning on going to China in November, so that's the other thing. What if I don't get back in time for the show?

At the same time I don't want to not go in case they never return to America again... DAMN THEM AND THEIR TIMING		  
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Cross roads   
10:35pm 22/08/2010
  So after working my ass off basically,  I may or may not be going to college.  It makes me very nervous.  and I had a lot more to say other than this.

If I dont go. I get to go to china. Which I would fucking love.  If I do go I get to move on with my life which is what I need to do.  But I dont even know if I want to go into game design anymore.  So now I am lost. But its cool.		  
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12:22pm 11/07/2010
  I am exhausted from last night. The strip club was too busy and we couldn't find the non existent one down town I swore was there. Nope I'm just crazy. So we went to romantixs where they IDed us xD we didn't even get anything, but were there for an hour. Then we came back to my house a little after two. Then he didn't leave until almost six.

Also looking at the movie boxes, I wouldn't want my face on the front next to my vagina both like :O		  
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03:55pm 30/06/2010
  It is my last 4th of July here, and I want fireworks!
I am hoping to go to Missouri, but I need to find someone to go with. I want to call my brother, but I dont know if he will be up for it ._.

You only have to be 14 to buy fireworks with out a parent. Missouri is so cool XD		  
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chillydrpepper
 
 
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